I’ve had a number of revelations on this trip and journey. Perhaps it’s the time spent underground, perhaps it’s my greater experience in the world or perhaps it’s simply the role of my fury changing my views but I’m hardened after my time below ground. Before I could afford to be idyllic and high-minded in my opinions…but the time spent in those caves and caverns taught me hard lessons and re-shaped my opinion.
I learned that my desire to neither keep nor use a ranged weapon, as only killers and takers used those, would limit me and artificially grant others the ability to harm me and those I care for. If I had a simple bow or sling of some sort I’d avoid giving up my primary weapon, the spear, while attempting to hurt a foe at range. While these weapons ARE clearly the province of those that disturb the natural cycle of life by harvesting others before their time, they can also be weapons used to harvest those that take prematurely. I think of myself as being in the later category.
While I thought the curved blade carried by many a druid would be all I’d ever need in combat; I see now it is a somewhat foolish idea as well. It serves as another marker to clearly label a member of the Order and it is not a strong weapon to fell those that fell others. I see its grace and dignity as a symbol of those that can afford to either hope for providence, with a lucky strike, or endure the strong blows of their foes. This position is admirable, and the cultivated skills of those great Druids that wield empowered versions are impressive, it seems to be unnecessary and inefficient compared to the axe. Wielding the dwarven weapon has taught me to respect simplicity and full dedication to an aim. If I truly seek to safeguard the natural parts of the world, and to protect others from unjust harms, then I should do so in a manner that is expeditious and effective. Not one that relies on luck and excessive endurance. I can hear the rebuttals in my head from my teachers back home, along with subtle jabs to my human blood giving me foolish ideas yet I believe I am right in this regard.
I see these two new threads melding into my ideas and philosophy. The time underground has strengthened my love of the wild places and emboldened me to increase my efforts to slow and stop the acts of the Lumber Consortium. But these new threads have shortened the timeline I saw to taking action and also encouraged a more direct approach. From the first I can see that the evil acts of some against others will not be moderated and handicapping oneself in an effort to remain aloof is neither necessary nor beneficial. One’s actions and intentions speak for themselves and must be used as the measure of the action. The ends do not justify the means but it does permit some leeway. Also, all of nature strives to do only the needful, to take no more than required. To do otherwise in any struggle invites unnecessary defeat and is wasteful of the bounty of nature. I intend to apply these thoughts in using some of our newly acquired magical weapons. Including, if my companions will permit it, the use of the axe of King Merlokrep, Manfeller.
The title is terrible and yet…has a symmetry to my aims that seems appropriate. I seek to fell those that fell the forest and if the weapon is better suited, more efficient and more likely to accomplish that end, why should I not make use of it? Would Boss Teedum show the same restraint to me? Does he now to the forest and it’s creatures? My duty is to nature and it’s parts. All that aids me aids it.
While I do see my thoughts and opinions have taken a turn from the timelessness that is nature – they smack of impatience and haste. Perhaps this is effect of the rage on me, burning off the calm, rational elements that comprise my soul. And yet, I re-read the lines above and I hear rational thinking. It rings of a soul that is calm and purposeful. Like the stream against a bank, the rain on the earth, an avalanche on a mountain; all move with grace, efficiency and terrible force. And at times, yes, even with what one can call rage.
My nature has changed; it is remade as something new. Yet, is this different than the leaf growing off the bud – changing as the season passes and adapting to the conditions as they change? I think not.
It seems my companions have changed over time and experience as well. Zandu in particular I note is different. While I’ve yet to write, or really think, much about the revelations he shared of his time on Hermea and his goals in its grand visions, I believe he has shifted his focus from a purely physical and mental perfection to magical powers as well. Perhaps his time spent about me has shown him the value of magic and it’s ability to aid one. Perhaps he has simply awoken to his full potential. I’ve yet to see him cast many spells so I know not his repertoire but he is a truly mysterious man. Stoic in the face of danger, boldly fighting with his hands, scarf or sword he scarcely seemed winded after our battles in the underground. He was always the first to urge us on to find the children however; so any changes o his demeanor or abilities, or revelations of his powers, also must fall in line with my own. While the ends don’t justify any means, it seems Zandu’s means have shifted slightly after coming to trust us. I ramble here as I ponder how to pen the next part. I suspect that at some point he’ll talk more of the Glorious Endeavor and I’m not sure what to make of it. While it is not, at the moment, a pursuit I find worth pursuing I cannot fault them for trying. I also cannot deny the rightness of Zandu’s actions and his fearlessness. He IS a paragon of humanity in my mind. Perhaps, that is the source of my rub – humanity. While I appear very similar to a human I still think of myself as an elf and attempt to live my life as one. Being devoted to improving a race I don’t believe I’m apart strikes me as hoping for frost in the summer. In looking at the human children I don’t think of them as children, I think of them as human children. I don’t think of the village as a village I think of it as a human village. Perhaps my time and travel in these lands will change my mind however.
Kieyanna is a wondrous amalgam as well now. I’ve never seen a more heavily armored archer – and yet wearing the heavy full suit seems to not encumber her at all. This amazes me. I think of my own kind, light footed, dressed in the finest, thinnest and most supple of leathers and then I see her make shot after shot from inside that moving block of mithral. Incredible. She’s spoken less of the late – perhaps fatigue is slowly wearing her down as well. I know my own words have dwindled to assent or denial and warnings of danger. Yet I’ve seen her take few wounds due to the spectacular protection she is afforded. I am keen to see what her thoughts are on Zandu and the children and Falcon’s Hallow. She is a somewhat reserved person however and prefers to talk when we have some measure of privacy it seems. I appreciate and agree with this sentiment.